I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
