I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
