I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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