and next time when you feel me up, do it right
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
