I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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