The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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