Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
