You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
