Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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