Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Are we still banned from the library?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
