A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
