We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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