is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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