my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
