So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
