after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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