I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
