I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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