You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You ate ashes out of my bong
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
