she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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