The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
