She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
