im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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