Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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