My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
