im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
