i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
