well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
