I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
