i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I miss vodka workout Fridays
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
