dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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