Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
