Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
