good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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