I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
