Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
In America we eat man semen.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
