3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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