True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
