OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
