dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
