wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
