You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
