Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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