i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
