OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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