Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
