Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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