First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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