My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
