just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she looked like the before picture.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
