This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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