Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
