Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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