I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
soo... how was my night?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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